Jokes these days
by tahmy
Summary: this is a collection of various jokes I've heard and turned them into KH jokes...kay? Mature content for swearing and stuff...
1. Chapter 1

**Jokes these days…  
Yo there :D I made this fanfic based on my old post here on I made a shamanking fic so I decided to make a kingdom hearts fic XDD. So uhm, this is a compilation of various jokes I've heard and converted it into Kingdom hearts jokes. Mature content for language and other sexual content. Also there might be YAOI here so uhm okay. **

**YOU NO LIKY? YOU NO READ….**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the jokes here and I most certainly do NOT own Kingdom hearts and if I did then all male characters are GAY and Sora and Roxas as SO together…. XDD**

**Poor guy**

A man that goes by the name of Axel escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy, Roxas, out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl, Namine, to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which Namine responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

**Through Riku and Sora's POV (taken from the "True Meaning of Male Statements")**

**(A/N: For a really hot guy, Riku sure sucks at dating XDD)**

Sora: "I'm Romantic."  
Riku: "I'm poor."

Sora: "You're the only girl I've ever cared about."  
Riku: "You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me."

Sora: "I really want to get to know you better."  
Riku: "So I can tell my friends about it."

Sora: "She's kinda cute."  
Riku: "I wouldn't kick her out of bed but a pillow over the  
head might be necessary."

Sora: "I don't know if I like her."  
Riku: "She won't sleep with me."

Sora: "Was it good for you?"  
Riku: "I'm insecure about my manhood."

Sora: "I had a wonderful time last night."  
Riku: "Who are you?"

Sora: "Do you love me?"  
Riku: "I've done something stupid and you might find out."

Sora: "Do you 'really' love me?"  
Riku: "I've done something stupid and you're going to find  
out sooner or later."

Sora: "I've been thinking a lot."  
Riku: "You're not as attractive as when I was drunk."

Sora: "I think we should just be friends."  
Riku: "You're ugly."

**A REALLY bad day**

There was this guy named Roxas at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this trouble-making dude named Axel steps next to him, takes the drink from the Roxas, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. Axel says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep in class, so my teacher Mr. Xemnas gave me a whole frigin week of detention. When. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my twin brother, in bed with the gardener, Riku. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

**Second Opinion**

Axel and his wife, Larxene are having a fight at the breakfast table. Axel gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house. After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and calls home.

Larxene comes to the phone after many rings and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?"

She smirks, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?" Shouts the doctor.

"Getting a second opinion! " Larxene looks over to the smirking Zexion on her bed (OO).

**Tell me if you guy want me to post more, kay? XDD**


	2. Chapter 2

**Some more jokes :)**

**Electric Train**

A few days after Christmas, a Aerith was working in the kitchen listening to her young son, Sora, playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and Sora said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The Aerith went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the Sora comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As Aerith began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

**Farts With Lumps**

The teacher asked little Sora to use the word " definitely " in a sentence.

Little Sora replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?"

The Teacher says, "Of course not Sora,"

To which Sora replies, "Then I have definitely shit my pants".

**More to come soon :3**


End file.
